Dear Feeder, I'd just like to thank you
For supplying the cake and the sweets
Those biscuits you bought were delicious
You know that I 'do like a treat'
When I say, 'it's no good, I must diet'
You always support me - each time
But you seem to forget when you're shopping
And buy me malteesers - that's fine.
But...
I do wish that you could remember
With a house full of treats - it's so hard
Especially when I say, 'use fry light'
And you secretly cook it in lard!
I've put on 5 stone since I met you
But you look no different at all
I can't find clothes that will fit me
I had friends - but they no longer call
And when I tell you of my distress
On you, I can always rely
To nip out to the shops and come back with...
An enormous, family size pie!
Dear Feeder, it's taken me ages
To really come out of my shell
And I don't want to go back inside it
Mind you, that probably won't fit as well!
So thank you for upgrading my meals
Super size was more filling, you're right
And the large pizza you bought me 'by accident'
Was finished off - all in one night
For the fry-ups, the nachos, the take-outs
The chocolates, double helpings of pud
The ice cream, the waffles, the pancakes
Yes, they really did all taste so good.
Dear Feeder, it's time I took action
I have to take all of the blame
I know that you just want to keep me
But thinner I'll be just the same
So, Dear Feeder, no more excuses
No more 'just one last treat'
No more 'let's start on Monday'
No more 'let's start next week'
Dear Feeder, I'm putting my foot down,
The tremors measure 7.4
Dear Feeder, I'm going to do it
Dear Feeder you'll stop me no more.
Day - 10 years
If I lie down like this with one leg up
If i twist slightly onto one side
If i jump up and down while I'm pulling
If I don't breathe at all... no I'll die
If I lie down and wiggle my bottom
If I stand up and stretch out my legs
If I leave open, just the top button
Or slide down the zipper instead
If I never wash you again
Will you help me?
Or how about I just don't take you off?
Please jeans, you must still fit me
I'd rather die trying than admit you do not.
